What a week...

I last posted on Thursday morning as I was feeling sad about the death of a baby two years ago. Less than 24 hours later I was headed to a birth on his birthday. I had a hard time with this...I just didn't feel like I was ready to be at another birth on his day. But then a good friend of mine pointed out that maybe it is better to have it happen now. We all knew this would happen eventually and better now than 15 years from now when it might be even harder. Turned out this new little baby girl was born the next day in the wee hours of the morning. So that was Friday and Saturday.

Sunday, I didn't really do much but spend time with the family...after sleeping in and enjoying breakfast in bed ('cause I have a kick-ass husband!).

Monday was low key as was Tuesday until I got to math class. The Prof was passing back our quizes from Thursday. I was not looking forward to seeing my grade. I even told the Prof to just keep it...I didn't even want to know as Thursday was a bad night and I was thankful he drops our lowest quiz grade. He chuckled and said he used my quiz as the key. That's right...I got a freaking 25 out of 25. I couldn't believe it.

Wednesday I had chem class then I had to meet with the husband of a potential client as he wasn't able to be at the original interview. I was expecting a shake of the hand and a once over but I got a dad who was pretty well informed and, while he seemed like certain options were not options, was open to hearing about them. Primarily HBAC (Home Birth After Cesarean). His wife really wants to birth their baby at home and he just can't wrap his head around the idea. After talking a lot and answering a lot of questions and giving him honest information about the real risks and benefits to hospital birth and home birth...he's decided they can at least talk with the home birth midwife. Even if they decide to still go the hospital route, mom is so happy they are at least exploring the option of home birth.

And this is something I just can't wrap my head around. Why are people so afraid of homebirth? Why is it people always ask "But what if xy or z happens?" Umm...then your midwife deals with it or you go in...we're talking about birthing babies here, not rocket science. I just don't get it. I wonder if people think having a hospital birth guarantees them a healthy baby and a healthy mom. I don't know why I wonder this as I am pretty darn sure most people do. When I do a birth events time line in my childbirth class people always match maternal and infant mortality rates with the wrong years. I've never had someone get it right. And everyone is speechless when I tell them the correct answers. I can understand why, though. I think I had a hard time wrapping my head around the differences in the rates from 1981 to 2004. Both have gone up, by the way. Our ranking for infant mortality of Industrialized Nations has gotten worse too...we rank behind Cuba currently.

After seeing what I see at almost every hospital birth I question what I am doing. I really no longer understand why anyone would want to birth their baby in the hospital (except those who know they are high risk). Parents are fooled into thinking they will have a healthy baby if they birth in this shiny hospital and home birth is dangerous. I just watched a clip of Marsden Wagner, MD talking about home birth and OB/GYNs. He talked about speaking to groups of doctors who were all riled up about home birth and asking them to raise their hand if they have ever attended a home birth. No one ever seems to raise their hand. How can these docs get so upset about something they know so little about? What scares them so much about birthing a baby at home? Forget home birth...what scares them so much about birth in general? Why does birth require so much medical effort? And why are they not able to step back and see that so many complications arise because of things being done to a woman while she is in labor? Why am I able to step back and recognize when a woman should not have a home birth and I can see when a cesarean birth is a better option for her or when a woman is not progressing because she would prefer to be in the hospital but they can't see that being in the hospital isn't the best option for every woman? And after asking myself all of these questions I remember why I'm doing what I am doing...and why it is so important that I keep moving forward.

I saw my favorite doc today. She, along with many others, keep telling me to keep my options open; don't limit myself to OB, I might find something I like better. That along with not getting my hopes up about making too much change, I won't be able to do it with our system...sure, things might change between now and then, but I shouldn't hold my breath. I know they are just trying to prepare me for a long and bumpy road and they don't want me to be disappointed. I know this because I've heard it before with other things. Similar things were said to me about finding my birth mom and then about having a natural birth with my first and then about having a vaginal breech birth. The thing is, I knew I could do everything everyone told me I couldn't do...and when I was told I couldn't do it, I wanted to do it even more. I know I can do this. I know I can make it through med school and through OB residency. I know I can make changes. I will open a birth center. I will catch babies who need to enter this world butt or feet first. I will let women birth the way they know how to birth. And if something happens that truly needs medical attention, I'll be there. And most importantly, I will do these things right here in Columbus, Ohio.

So you can think I'm crazy or you can think that I can and will do this...just know I don't want to hear what you're thinking unless you're going to tell me I can and will do this.