My Goals

I need this in writing and for people to hold me to it!

My Goals
1. To be a practicing doctor by the time I am 35 (current age: 25)
2. Open a Birthing Center in Columbus, Ohio
3. To be reliable back-up for CPMs and LMs
4. To have a practice with CNMs and LCs

I AM DOING THIS!

I'm doing it!

I'm going to go to med school and become a doctor. I haven't decided between Family Practice and OB but I'm leaning more towards Family Practice where I can specialize in Maternal Health. Also, as a Family Practice doctor, I may have more influence over things such as RIC and Breastfeeding.

I'm going to change things. I'm going to make a difference. I'm going to open a birthing center and back homebirth midwives. I'm going to see that ALL birthing women are respected for THEIR CHOICES. I will make a difference.

I think I'm crazy...

The birth I was at the other day ended in a transfer to the hospital. When the mom arrived at the hospital, she was treated in a way no person should ever be treated. Her support team was threatened as well. The way she was treated is sickening. Why? Why do the doctors and nurses have to be so nasty to women who choose to birth differently then end up needing the medical support a hospital can offer? Why must a woman preferring a home birth be treated with such lack of human kindness or respect?

I wasn't the doula for this woman. A good friend of mine is her doula and I asked her if I could shadow her...I desperately wanted to see a good birth; a home birth. I needed to be reminded of how a birth is suppose to be. I wanted to see a birth, not a medical event. I felt I needed this to re-energize me in regards to birth. I got to see a 99% pure birth. After several hours of pushing everyone decided it was time to head on in to the hospital. I was sad for the mom and her husband; also for her midwife and doula. And to be totally honest, I felt sad for me as well. Why did this have to happen to this woman? Why did it have to be at the birth I thought I NEEDED to regain my faith in birth? I know there is something for me to learn in this experience. Birth is awesome and powerful and it usually goes very smoothly; but sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes, we are very thankful for medical interventions. Initially this is what I thought I needed to learn from this birth. Now I wonder if there is something more...

I want things to change. I want women to know they have a voice. I want women to know they are not alone. I want women to know they don't need need to suffer. I want women to have more choices. More and more, I don't feel like Midwifery is the way to make these changes, to really help women. Midwives have no power...they are glorified nurses (not in my opinion, but many in the medical field feel this way). Maybe Midwifery isn't my path...what if I need to go down the rocky road of medical school and become an OB? Is that the only way to really make change? To really help women? Do I really want to travel down a much longer road? Do I really want to become a surgeon (yes, I know there are many OBs with very low cesarean birth rates)? So many questions and no answers. How do I make this decision? And when I do, how do I know it is the right decision?

Am I freaking nuts for even considering this???? Someone, say something please.

The power and energy in the room is thick. Women surround a birthing woman with an energy that is overwhelming. There is the birthing woman in all her glory and strength; she is beautiful and strong. Her mother kneels next to her, stroking her back; I've never seen such confidence from a mother. Her doula talks gently, and she knows exactly what to say. The midwife has just arrived and is gently smiling. And there is me, I am watching in amazement and wonderment; tears come to my eyes. This is birth. This is how birth is suppose to be. There are no words in existence that can even come close to the beauty and wonderment I am witnessing at this moment. I am so blessed, nay, we are all blessed. This is birth, a pure birth.

WOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!

I got a 96% on my Developmental Psychology Exam!!! The average grade was 78% and I got a freaking 9%!! Go me!

I need to be studying for my exams right now. I have two tomorrow. One in Algebra and one in Developmental Psychology. Obviously, I'm not studying. I haven't even started to study yet today. I really need to start soon but just can't seem to get motivated.

I'm feeling a bit off again today. I feel like there are a bunch of things that I want to write about but I can't even compose a simple sentence. Parenting, un-parenting, birth, my mom, Lamaze, school...

I need to go study now. Really, I am going to go study right now.

I wish the sun would come out and the weather would warm up, that always seems to help...

In the shower...

I had an "Ah-ha!" moment. This is a crazy idea but to me, and I'm pretty crazy, it makes a whole lot of sense!

My idea. Get rid of the "R" and "D" after politician's names. And for that matter, get rid of the "I" as well. Instead, their names should read "Patrick Leahy, American-VT" or "Orrin Hatch, American-Utah". Because these people, above all else, are American. They were elected to represent the people of the United States of America. It doesn't matter if they are Democrat or Republican because they represent all people in their state...both Democrats and Republicans.

If we did this, maybe people would start to vote for the person with whom they agree with the most on a majority of issues and not vote for a person because of the letter after their name. Why does it freaking matter what letter is after their name? Does anyone really believe 100% in everything their party stands for? And I mean EVERYTHING, not 99.9%? With the exception of the people who created the party I don't think anyone else can truthfully say that! And even those that created the party probably had to compromise on some of their beliefs.

So that's my crazy idea for the day...I'm sure it won't be my last.

I just don't understand...

I was watching Meet the Press this morning and I just don't understand why politicians, both Republicans and Democrats, can't just give a freaking straight answer! I'm starting to feel like so many issues revolve around the long responses to things. Instead of just a simple yes or no they have to go on for another 3 to 4 minutes explaining why they do feel a certain way without saying they feel that way. For example, Tim Russert asked Patrick Leahy (D-VT) if he felt the Attorney General had lied about the firing of US Attorneys. Leahy responded by saying he felt Gonzales has been less than truthful and yadda yadda yadda... So, if he has been less than truthful then the answer to Russert's questions is YES! YES you do feel that he has lied. Next question please.

Facts get twisted, words are misinterpreted, people read between the lines because politicians can't just answer a freaking question! Short and sweet...they just need to keep their answers short and sweet, why is this so hard? It isn't freaking rocket science!

And on the flip side, Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) said he has no problem with people from the White House testifying behind closed doors with no oath and no transcripts and he doesn't understand why others are not ok with this. Hmm...I wonder if he would have been ok with Clinton testifying this way about the whole Monica issue. Or if he would be ok with a member of the Mob saying "Ya know, I'm just going to go to a private room and talk with my fellow mobsters about the possible crimes I have committed. And, oh by the way, no one else can come nor are we going to write anything down." Right, 'cause that is going to happen. Why can't these people get their heads out of their asses and just do what is right rather than what their party is telling them is right.