I'm always amazed...

I'm always amazed when I can tell what position a baby is in better than the nurses and doctors...ya know, the one's with their hands up the mom feeling the baby's head. Its kind of sad actually, I mean, I'm a freaking doula! They are suppose to be the "experts" when it comes to birth yet, just by watching mom, looking at her belly and observing her contraction pattern and labor patten I can tell where baby is at. I just don't get it. Oh well...maybe one day they'll learn that baby's position matters and "head-down" isn't the only thing that counts.

I don't like what I see.

I am so sick and tired of watching women be assaulted and practically raped while birthing. There is only so much I can do and it just isn't enough. I have four births left this year and I am looking forward to being done for a while and getting a break. I don't know how much longer I can watch what goes on without going crazy. Not that going crazy will help anything either. People don't listen to crazy people. But people don't listen to me anyhow...no matter if I speak gently or scream at the top of my lungs.

What I see doctors doing makes me sick.

I want to...

Scream. Cry. Sleep. Hide.

There is so much I need/want/should/could do and I just don't even know where to start. I want to empty my house out and only put the things we use back in it. I want to get caught up on our bills...the very bills that just one month ago I had caught up or they were about to be because I made a budget and had a plan. Budgets and plans don't work if you don't stick to them. Sigh.

I want to be getting ready to leave for Boston tonight. We're not going to Boston anymore, though. Money issues and I was worried about leaving my kids for so long. I so needed that trip though. I need to get away for a bit. Both Jim and I need to get away and take a break from life and kids. Just a couple of days...

I really hope all these emotions are just from hormones...that means they'll be gone soon.

I'm Smart!

Really, I am! I got a 96 on my Chemistry exam which gives me an A for the quarter in Chem. I got a 98 on my algebra exam which also give me an A for the quarter in Algebra. For fall quarter I have a 4.0 and my cumulative GPA is 3.9.

/cheer