Lamaze Fun

I'm at the Lamaze Conference in Kentucky and am having a BLAST! I'm sharing a room with my two best buddies and my sort of boss from one of the hospitals I sort of work at. I got to see Orgasmic Birth last night and tonight we watched Pregnant in America. I am loving being around like-minded women. Two more days of birth-love bliss!

Child Care

I have spent the last 4 hours searching for child care. I should mention that 3 of those 4 hours I spent reading ads on two different sites and clicking on profiles only to find out that I have to pay almost $100.00 to have access to the person's email address (and for only 30 days). Then I looked at different nanny agencies in Columbus, Ohio. Ha! One place wants a $500.00 application fee AND also charges $1000.00 after you sign a nanny. Dude, I just need someone who is kind and gentle to watch my kids 20 hours a week. No cooking (except maybe pouring milk into a bowel of cereal or buttering toast), no cleaning, no running errands, easy-breezy stuff. Why the hell does this have to be so freaking hard? And what the hell do people with even less money than us do for childcare?

ARRGG!!! I need to work to make money for childcare but I can't work because I have no childcare. Sigh. I know this will work its self out sooner or later...I'm hoping for sooner.

Hillary Clinton Supporters, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?!

Really? Really?!?! You really are going to go from voting for HRC to McCain? And as if that isn't enough, you are in an ad telling others to do the same?!?!?! I hope your proud of that ad when Roe v. Wade is overturned. When your son (if you have one) is drafted to fight in more war. When you loose your job due to our economy. And don't give me that crap about holding Roe v. Wade over your head. I am sick of hearing HRC supporters say they are being held hostage by the DNC using the argument of Roe v. Wade. It isn't holding you hostage! It isn't holding it over your head! If McCain is the next POTUS, we've lost our right to choose! And with that, the last of our birthing rights will go down the drain too. This is a truth! This is a fact YOU HAVE TO FACE!!!!!!!

She lost. She did not run the best campaign. She assumed she would be the nominee and didn't really work to ensure it. What is that old saying about assuming things? You make an ass out of you and me? She didn't loose because sexism in the media; hell, they declared her the nominee in freaking 2006!* She didn't loose because of the DNC. She lost because she didn't plan on running a campaign after "Super Tuesday".

I'm sick of hearing about how they got the same amount of votes. NO THEY DIDN'T! In PRIMARIES they received the same number of votes. This does not include caucus states. Their individual votes aren't counted in the popular vote. And you CANNOT count MI and FL. Obama's name was not even on the ballot in MI. And while Hillary did "win" in MI, she received 55.23% of the vote. 40.07% of the vote went uncommitted. 238,168 people showed up just to vote AGAINST her (266,089 people if you count those who voted uncommitted and votes for Dodd, Kucinich, and Gravel). Not to mention the fact that Hillary herself said MI WOULD NOT COUNT! On New Hampshire Public Radio on October 11, 2008, HRC said "You know, it's clear, this election they're having is not going to count for anything."

I am angry and I am freaking scared to death that McCain could win this thing because of HRC supporters. Come on people, think about the reason you vote for the person you vote for!


*I am not saying that there was no sexism in the media, please understand this.

This one's for Lindsay (and anyone else who has thoughts on the matter)

OK, this is going to be a long one so grab some popcorn and a drink 'cause here we go!

On "Digital Scrapbook #8" Lindsay commented:

Do you think there is an order to Kasl's human value list? it is stated as "gender, race, class, position, religion, age, appearance, ethnic background, physical ability" i recently had a theory about this list and if they are treated equally or if some have more privilege than others and it was based on the outcome of the democratic presidential campaign.

Let me start by saying that I have not read all of Kasl's book. We read chapters from different books throughout the quarter. The list stated above is from chapter 3 "Is Addiction Inevitable? Patriarchy, Hierarchy, and Capitalism" in the book Many Roads, One Journey: Moving Beyond the 12 Steps. Any quotes from Kasl in this post are from this chapter. Also, I'm just guessing and giving my point of view; I am not an expert on this subject by any means. Now that I've gotten my paranoid disclaimer out of the way, I can give my thoughts on the matter.

In terms of a certain order to Kasl's human value list, she has created an illustration of hierarchy and patriarchy in the United States. I don't have an image file for it so just know that it looks like a triangle and at the top is are white men with images implying power and authority. The men are separated from everyone else by a chain-link fence. Below the fence we see everyone else (I didn't type these in any particular order): the white wives of the men above the fence, athletes, criminals, divorce, singers, teachers, the elderly, gay and lesbian couples, single mothers, those on welfare, drug dealers, Native Americans, etc. Here is what she writes about the illustration (emphasis at the end is hers, not mine):

If we look at our illustration of hierarchy and patriarchy, we see people of different genders, ages, colors, races, classes, educations, or economic situations. To survive this system, all of them have been conditioned to lose, bury, or not develop parts of themselves. it could be their ability to love, cry, show tenderness, feel pain, express anger, experience their fear, be assertive, or pursue their personal hopes and dreams. The part that gets lost or buried or never developed depends on where they are in the hierarchy, their particular childhood circumstances, and their personal empowerment. This ties in with our discussions of the human energy system--chakras--that follows.
For example, the white males at the top get to set the rules, but are cut off from their sensitivity and love because they must blind themselves to the fact that they are living off the backs of the people below them. The people who live below the chain-link fence spend a lot of time figuring out the rules of the people who live above them because they have to survive in their world. Thus they may have insight into the workings of the people above them, but they may not have a lot of time left to understand themselves. And the ones on the very bottom are exhausted simply trying to survive. This hinders them from experiencing the luxury of self-exploration and personal growth.
When we have parts of ourselves buried or undeveloped, we feel out of harmony, empty, or off-center, and often experience a sense of alienation that results in an inner void fueling both compulsive and addictive behavior as well as codependency. Gotta fill up the emptiness, gotta get rid of the pain and desperation. Give me money, sex, drugs, food, status, a wife, a husband. We engage in compulsive or addictive behavior so we don't have to feel what's inside. Patriarchy/hierarchy maintains and perpetuates addictive and dependent behavior in order to cover up the incredible losses of self and separateness created by our system.

I type all of this out to show that there does seem to be an order to this list as it relates to addiction. Within the context of the primaries for the Democratic Primaries, I think there are a couple of ways of looking at a potential order to the list. Kasl stresses that "the motivating force behind the white men at the top is often fear of losing their control over others" (73). Keeping this in mind, here are my thoughts.

In her illustration, the image of "two Black adult men being admired by a little boy" is farther down in the hierarchy than any of the images representing middle or upper-middle class white women. For the image of Black men, Kasl says that "by the age of eight, this inner-city boy realizes that he is unlikely to have access to the mainstream United States privileges of education and respect, so he is finding his heroes. Who are they? The local drug dealers." (70). Because of Obama's race and his admitted issues with drugs, one could argue that he would be more oppressed. If he is able to climb over the chain-link fence, he might give other Black Americans the idea that they could too, thus threatening the status quo. On the flip side, because middle and upper-middle class, white women are closer to the chain link fence, they could be perceived as a bigger threat to the men above the fence. Some of these women are directly below the fence, specifically the wives of the men in power. Therefore, Clinton would face more opposition as she grew up as a white, middle class girl and she is also the wife of one of the men above the fence, making her the bigger threat.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am an Obama supporter and have been since the end of February. I started off as an Edwards supporter.

Before the primaries got underway, my only problem with Clinton was that, for a majority of my life (all but 7 years), there has been either a Bush or a Clinton in office. This just doesn't sit right with me. As the primaries started, I began to actually dislike Clinton. When I would listen to her or her supporters speak, I felt like she had a sense of entitlement; that the Presidency was somehow owed to her. The tactics she resorted to sickened me. I felt like she was willing to risk a Democrat loosing in November if it wasn't her name on the ballot. And I feel like her behavior and actions hurt women more then it helped advance us. But these are my issues with her. Do I think this is why she didn't win? Perhaps it played a role in it.

I don't think she ran her campaign as well as Obama did. Again, going back to the issue of entitlement, she was the presumptive nominee before a single ballot had been cast. She didn't campaign as much as she should have in the months running up to the first primaries because everyone figured it was in the bag. It seemed like her campaign didn't even have plan beyond February 5th (Super Tuesday).

In the end, the thing that bothered me the most was her insistence that, including Michigan and Florida, she had more popular votes than he did. The problem here is that the popular vote count doesn't include the caucus states, which mostly went for Obama. So, every vote should count, but only for states who hold primaries and not those who hold a caucus? And her including Florida and Michigan after she herself said their primaries shouldn't count? Of course this was when she thought it was in the bag, there was no question she was going to be the nominee.

This is not to say I think Obama is perfect, I don't. But he ran a very different campaign because no one assumed anything. And, perhaps because he didn't need to, I don't feel like he resorted to the type of dirty tactics that she did. He was certainly doing his fair share of mud slinging, but Clinton went several steps farther. In the end, Obama ran a better campaign.

Did she loose because of sexism in the media? No. I'm not saying the media wasn't sexist in some of its coverage, certainly there were sexist remarks made. Just as there were racist remarks made. But this same sexist media is the very same media that declared her the presumptive nominee months before the primaries started.

I think I'll end this here for now but I would love to hear what others think, regardless of if you agree with me or think I'm full of shit. I love talking politics!

When Doulaing, College and Motherhood Collide

Any one of these things on their own can be stressful. And when they collide into one another the results can be overwhelming. To make matters worse, I am a procrastinator. I try not to be, really I do. I try to look at my week and spread things out and then, all of the sudden, it's 3:30PM on Friday and I have a blog due at 5PM and my kids are begging for some attention but the 13 year old won't play with them, the phone is ringing, people are hungry, the dogs are barking, and I'm wishing I had one of those "easy" buttons from Staples, but one that actually works. I guess my point is that I realize much of the stress of this week was my own doing by procrastinating and I own that.

This was my final week of summer quarter. I have one final next week then I'm done. The final week of the quarter is often when final papers and projects are due. Typically it is a good idea to not schedule too much else for this week, and, because I know this, I didn't schedule anything else for this week. Apparently I forgot that you can't schedule life, 'cause it just happens whether you want it to or not.

After working all day on Sunday, I came home to a very upset husband. He and one of his daughters, the very same one who watch Cole and Lydia during the week for us, had an argument about babysitting and other chores. In the end, it was decided that she would no longer be watching Cole and Lydia, leaving us trying to find childcare for 8:30 the next morning at 10pm Sunday night. I guess God thought we did such a good job handling the situation because it was only the beginning.

Apparently, allergic reactions from an allergy shot, which requires racing your 13 year old to the ER, don't care that you've got a project and a paper to finish. When you are the 7th & 8th grade volleyball coach for the non-competitive team, you don't get much of a say for when to hold tryouts. To be fair, none of the coaches do, we are all at the mercy of the gym the tryouts are being held at. And then, as I was just starting to get caught up with school work, my last doula client went into labor early Thursday morning. Again, I take full ownership on this one. I didn't have to take a client who was due at the end of the quarter. Maybe I was hoping that because she was a first timer and not due until the 24th I would be pretty safe. I was wrong. So after struggling to find someone to watch the kids (Jim had already taken two days off this week and had a meeting in Dayton he couldn't reschedule) for a couple of hours I headed to be with my laboring clients. I brought my work with me in case I got the chance to get some of it done but that was wishful thinking. The labor and birth was awesome. Mom did an amazing job, as did dad. Their birth was was just fan-freaking-tastic! But shortly after the baby was born into the hands of his mom (with help from the doc), he started having trouble breathing. He ended up going to the nursery for oxygen and further evaluation. The doctor and nursing staff debated on if he needed to be transfered to Children's Hospital. Side note: the hospital mom birthed at has a nursery and the ability to stabilize babies who aren't doing well, but they don't have a NICU. This means if their son hadn't started to show any signs of improvement within a certain time frame he would have to go somewhere that could do more for him. By midnight baby was doing better, not great, but better. After convincing mom and dad to go to bed and get some sleep, I too went home to get some sleep. After tossing and turning most of the night, I got out of bed by about nine this morning to hungry kids. Made them waffles for breakfast as I called my clients to check in on them and returned some other calls. After breakfast I sat down to finish my paper for History. My kids had other plans. They were being wild and crazy and driving me nuts. Now don't get me wrong, I totally get that they were acting this way because they were in desperate need of my attention after not seeing me much for almost two full days. I knew and understood why this was happening. But that doesn't mean my history instructor who has already given me an extra day because of the birth will understand. We finally work something out and I get my paper finished a little after 3 this afternoon. Thinking I'm done, we run out for some Chipotle. When we get home around 4 I check my email and see a reminder about my final blog post for Women's Studies that is due in an hour. I start working right away but still have the kids to deal with. An hour and a half later I publish the post just in time to take one of my stepdaughters to crew practice.

And now here I sit, doing something just for me for the first time this week after snuggling with my little ones until they ran outside to play with friends. I didn't get all of my school work done but I believe I did the best that I could with what I had. I'm short two digital scrapbook postings for Women's Studies and one reading response for History, but it isn't the end of the world. Regardless of my grades in these classes, I learned so much from the classes themselves. Grades are just letters and numbers, knowledge is way more valuable.

Final Blog for Women's Studies 326 Women and Addiction

I want you to reflect on your experience in the class-- How has your understanding of addiction changed? Are you able to integrate what you have learned in your real life or your major? Has the way you talk about, feel about, empathize towards addiction/addicts changed?

Before taking Women's Studies 326: Women and Addiction I though I understood addiction, maybe even a bit more than the average person. Now, after almost 10 weeks of reading and discussing addiction, I realize just how little I knew and understood about addiction, especially the relationship between addiction, patriarchy, hierarchy, and capitalism. Without a doubt, Charlotte Kasl's "Is Addiction Inevitable? Patriarchy, Hierarchy, and Capitalism" and Dr. Northrup's "The Patriarchal Myth and the Addictive System" are my two favorite readings from the quarter. Both of these readings are from the first weeks of the quarter, when I realized just how little I understood. I don't remember if I really even had an opinion on why people resort to addictive behaviors before this class. I think I felt like the reasons were mostly personal. Now, nothing seems personal to me. Everything seems so much more connected to the world in which we live, even how people behave and interact. Kasl's piece really helped me to see this. She writes (emphasis mine):

"Patriarchy, hierarchy, and capitalism create, encourage, maintain, and perpetuate addiction and dependency. Patriarchy and hierarchy are based on domination and subordination, which result in fear. This fear is expressed by the dominators through control and violence, and in the subordinated people through passivity and repression of anger. The external conflict of hierarchy between dominants and subordinates becomes internalized in individuals, creating personal inner chaos, anxiety, and duality. To quell the inner conflict people resort to addictive substances and behavior."

Kasl's talk of psychic numbing and dissociation really helped me to understand how people with addiction issues don't see that the problems they face in life are caused by the addiction and not something else. While listening to the news or hearing other people talk about the problems we face as a society, I find myself thinking of her illustration of hierarchy and patriarchy and I've even yelled at the TV "outside solutions don't work for inside problems!" (yes, I know the people talking on the TV can't hear me).

Dr. Northup's writings really spoke to me as well, probably due to her talking about how women don't trust their bodies anymore, especially in relation to birth. Every time I teach, my main objective is to get women to trust their bodies and their inner wisdom.

I could write for hours about these two authors but since this blog was due 7 minutes ago I won't. I do want to end with an example of how my deeper understanding about addiction helped me at work.

Last week I took a young woman expecting her first and her mother on a tour of labor and delivery. The pregnant mom was very quiet and seemed very uncomfortable. While showing them a postpartum room the soon-to-be grandmother asked how long after delivery her daughter would be able to go downstairs and smoke. Ten weeks ago I would have been appalled. While I would have done my best to hide it, I know my feelings would show on my face. But I wasn't appalled. I answered the mother's question. The young woman then opened up a little bit and said she had tried to quit but wasn't able to give it up completely because everyone around her still smoked; her boyfriend, sisters, and parents. I told her that her situation makes it that much harder to quit. She seemed to perk up a bit more and said that she was able to cut back quite a bit. Her mom told me she was really surprised at how well her daughter was taking care of herself since becoming pregnant and that she was proud of her. I excitedly told the pregnant mom that she was doing awesome; that her cutting back was helpful, and, in taking better care of herself and eating healthier foods, she may be able to minimize some of the risks associated with smoking. We continued the tour and the pregnant mom seemed so much more comfortable with me. She even starting asking questions about the rest of her pregnancy, labor and birth. Had I not reacted the way I did to her mom's question, I think the situation would have been very different. But I didn't judge her and I didn't blame her, which is so often what I see others in the medical field do. This class did changed that for me.

Thank you, Ms. Genetin. Your class was awesome.

Digital Scrapbook #8

"Shroud" by Ani DiFranco

I had to leave the house of fashion
And go forth naked from its doors
'cause women should be allies
And not competitors

In our patriarchal and capitalist society women often find themselves competing with each other, which only serves the maintain the status quo. Charlotte Kasl's piece "Is Addiction Inevitable? Patriarchy, Hierarchy, and Capitalism" explains that "because patriarchy assigns a secondary position to women, it creates a hierarchy, in which human value is determined by gender, race, class, position, religion, age, appearance, ethnic background, and physical ability" (55). These groups can either unite or compete for the highest position available. Kasl identifies the weapons of patriarchy to be "segmenting, separating, and isolating people" (60). When trying to escape isolation we may have to rely of self-destructive behavior in order to dissociate from our inner wisdom, what Kasl describes as "short-term relief from pain is exchanged for long-term destruction. This follows the model of patriarchy and capitalism, which is short-term economic gain at the price of long-term destruction of the ecosystem and people's spirits" (60). In the context of the this song, women are destroying other women to feel better about themselves.

And I had to leave the house of god
Because the cross replaced the wheel

This refers to the destruction on non-Christian religions, specifically pagan faiths.

And the goddesses were all out in the garden
With the plants that nurture and heal

Kasl refers to this as the Patriarchal Switch. She writes "historically, between 10,000 and 3,00 BC there is considerable evidence that we moved gradually from a Goddess-worshiping culture that revered life, nature, creation, and harmony to patriarchy" (60). The reference to the plants references the movement to modern medicine and away from maintaining health naturally.

I had to leave the house of privilege
Spent Christmas homeless and feeling bad
To learn that privilege is a headache
That you don't know that you don't have

Capitalism can only exist by "making people feel insecure, unlovable, and ashamed in order to have them purchase all kinds of things to make them--allegedly--attractive, lovable, and powerful" (Kasl, 62). But all of this stuff can't make us feel happy or loved, we only think it can.

And I had to leave the house of television
To start noticing the clouds
It's amazing the stuff you see
When you finally shed that shroud

We've become what the media wants us to be. Because so much time and energy is spent watching TV, we aren't allowing ourselves the time for reflection within ourselves.

I had to leave the house of conformity
In order to make art

In class, while discussing the drop in self-esteem when girls reach adolescence, we learned that their art work also changes as drawing is now seen as childish. Even girls who really enjoy creating art may feel pressure to fit in with the other girls and walk away from her love.

I had to be more or less true
To learn to tel the two apart

I think this means that life isn't black and white or absolute. There are shades of gray and periods of uncertainty.

And I had to leave the house of fear
Just about as soon as I could crawl
Ignore my face on the wanted posters
Stuck to the post office wall

In order to live life one cannot fear life. This is contrary to patriarchy and hierarchy as they "are based on domination and subordination, which result in fear" (Kasl 53).

I had to leave the house of self-importance
To doodle my first tattoo
Realize a tattoo is no more permanent
Than I am

The ability to realize you're not perfect nor will you ever be perfect and realizing your own mortality.

And who ever said that life is suffering
I think they had their finger on the pulse of joy
Ain't the power of transcendence
The greatest one we can employ

We have the ability to go through life with a positive or negative attitude. But if all we see is suffering, then we will only ever experience suffering. This doesn't mean a person with a positive attitude never experiences pain or suffering, they do, they just navigate through it with a brighter outlook.

Digital Scrapbook #7

“Obama and McCain: Where They Stand on Addiction Issues” by Bob Curley

The Presidential Election of 2008 has been underway for several weeks now. We often hear about the candidates’ views on major issues such as taxes, war, education, terrorism, and health care. We also hear about their views on made up issues like who is and who isn’t wearing a flag lapel pin or who is more American. Rarely do we hear political discussions based on each candidate’s stance on addiction issues. And really, the more I think about it, I don’t recall ever hearing a question about these issues in presidential debates. It seems the media only gives air time to addiction when they are examining if the candidates themselves have any addiction issues. And this year, both McCain and Obama have a history of addiction. McCain has dealt with heavy drinking, though I don’t believe he considers himself a recovering alcoholic. He also has a family history of addiction as his father was an alcoholic and Cindy, McCain’s wife, was addicted to prescription drugs in the 90s. And because Cindy heads an Anheuser-Busch distributor, McCain recently recused himself on votes regarding the alcohol industry. Obama has been open regarding his use of cocaine and marijuana as a youth. And both McCain and Obama are former smokers. This is pretty much where the similarities end.

Obama has pledged to pass a universal healthcare plan that is similar to the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program (FEHBP). While he doesn’t specifically discuss treatment for addiction, it is implied by his referencing the FEHBP as it requires parity coverage of addictive diseases. He also recognizes the need to increase funding for disease prevention. By funding prevention, Charlotte Kasl’s illustration of hierarchy may begin to break down. He also wants to see first-time, nonviolent drug offended serve out their sentences in a drug rehabilitation program. Obama recognizes the disparities in drug sentencing laws and wants to address these issues. He also wants to provide more support for ex-offenders to fight crime and poverty—this seems like inside thinking to me. He relies on solving other inside problems with inside solutions by calling on parents to be the first line of defense regarding drug and alcohol abuse and he wants to create “Promise Neighborhoods” in cities. Obama is also supportive of doctors prescribing medical marijuana.

McCain doesn’t discuss addiction issues with as much detail as Obama, partially due to his longer voting record in the Senate where he’s actively worked against the tobacco industry. Within the context of his campaign, he only makes pledges in regards to smoking-cessation products. His healthcare plan mentions chronic diseases but addiction isn’t specifically mentioned. He would also cut underperforming programs which mean a number of addiction-related programs will be eliminated because they are currently identified as nonperforming. I wonder if he’s considered that these programs may not be performing well because they aren’t being funded. Cutting these programs will only maintain the illustration of hierarchy and the status quo. He also opposes the use of medical marijuana. There is no mention of community programs to help fight addiction.

Digital Scrapbook #6

From The American Journal of Bioethics “Substance Abuse in Pregnancy: Where Does the Blame Lie? How do health care providers, and society at large, approach a pregnant woman who is substance abusing? By Jennifer M. Cohn

Our medical system is rooted in patriarchy and hierarchy. Dr. Northrup, in “The Patriarchal Myth and the Addictive System”, writes that “our culture gives girls the message that their bodies, their lives, and their femaleness demand an apology…If we must apologize for our very existence from the day we are born, we can assume that our society’s medical system will deny us the wisdom of our “second-class” bodies. In essence, patriarchy blares out the message that women’s bodies are inferior and must be controlled” (4). Furthermore, Cynthia Downing tells us in “Sex Role Setups and Alcoholism” that “literature in the mental health field has empirically documented characteristics associated with femaleness to be seen as less healthy than those considered masculine. Consequently, women can be considered as a kind of deviant group in that they possess characteristics that are negatively valued and stigmatized” (47). And because reproduction is the responsibility of the woman, any behavior seen as irresponsible on the part of the pregnant woman is seen as a prime example of a woman’s deviance. And if the pregnant woman is also an addict, she is viewed as the lowest of the low and deserves to be punished. Such punishment is justified as a way to protect the child, but the goal of punishment is not to protect the child, rather, punishment “operates more to maintain a social distinction between insiders and deviants” according to Iris Marion Young in her piece titled “Punishment, Treatment, Empowerment: Three Approaches to Policy for Pregnant Addicts”. Jennifer M. Cohn argues that in putting the needs of the fetus before the needs of the woman, society and the medical system has compromised a woman’s control over her own body. While mother and baby are two lives they are one being. But because there are two lives, society has shown a “willingness to criminalize substance abuse during pregnancy” according to Cohn.

Cohn points out that in order “for an act to constitute a crime, it must be both harmful and intentional” and it can be difficult to prove “harm that was caused directly by drugs” and “intentional harm is even more difficult to prove…the consequences of drug taking during pregnancy are rarely anticipated by the mothers”.

Cohn also sees a double standard in how our society expects mothers to preserve their fetus’s life but we allow women to go without access to medical care, which can counteract the effects of drug abuse, as we offer little community aid to the pregnant woman. We also allow women to be exposed to toxic fumes and chemicals in the workplace. Where are the anti-abortion activists when the pregnant woman attempts to leave an abusive relationship, when she is at greater risk of being murdered by the abuser?

Cohn and Young seem to be very much on the same page. Punishment doesn’t work. Treatment isn’t always accessible. What does work is referred to as empowerment by Young, and the role Cohn believes the physician must play goes hand in hand with empowerment.

Digital Scrapbook #5

“Underneath pop Star Scandals is a Serious Message about Young Women and Addiction” by Courtney E. Martin

Everywhere we look we see images of young pop stars and Hollywood actresses. TV shows, gossip columns, tabloids, magazines shower us with images of these often sickly thin and addicted young women. These girls are often the only images young women see of other women their age, thus they are, by proxy, who we are suppose to emulate and admire. And this, according to Martin, has normalized addiction for many young women. I’ve heard people argue that girls and young women should know that this elite class of Hollywood women does not serve as good role models; but they are the current focus of our media culture.

In “The Patriarchal Myth and the Addictive System” Dr. Northrup tells us that we all unconsciously inherit and internalize beliefs and assumptions about our bodies from our culture. She stresses that women cannot reclaim our “inherent ability to create health without first understanding the influence of our society on how we think about and care for our bodies” (3). If our society is sending us only one message about young women, we have only that message to learn and we have already begun to see the impact of that message. According to Martin, young women are “more diseased and more addicted than any generation of young women that has come before”. And because the images of women in magazines are perfect, even though the models in the magazines don’t really look like their pictures, we face a great amount of pressure to be perfect as well—we attempt to achieve the impossible with devastating results.
More and more women today have eating disorders and the rates of binge drinking and drug use is increasing as well. And now, according to Martin, we are noticing a strong link between eating disorders and alcohol abuse. Martin cites data from The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University that says that “up to one-half of individuals with eating disorders abuse alcohol or illicit drugs, compared to nine percent of the general population, and up to 35 percent of alcohol or illicit drug abusers have eating disorders compared to three percent of the general population. In “Still Killing Us Softly: Advertising and the Obsession with Thinness” Jean Kilbourne also points out the link between eating disorders and cigarettes, as well as just about every other product marketed to women only. In her film Still Killing Us Softly 3, Kilbourne also points out that images of women in print advertising places emphasis on women being thin, innocent, and sexy. One print ad with a picture of a very thin model reads “The more you subtract the more you add” implying that the thinner a woman is the more she has to offer.

Both Dr. Northrup and Martin agree that in order for women to begin to heal, our culture must change. But we live in a capitalist society and those at the top make more money with our culture the way it currently is. As long as women are unhappy with the way they look, they’ll keep buying more and more products with the hopes of achieving the impossible. If the media shifted their attention elsewhere and, in turn, women began to love themselves the way they are, there would be no need to advertise products to improve looks thus no need to advertise. A capitalist society can’t function without consumerism; therefore, I don’t see changing coming any time soon.

Digital Scrapbook #4

American Medical Association Press Release: Teenage Girls Targeted for Sweet-Flavored Alcoholic Beverages: Polls show more teen girls see “alcopop” ads than women age 21-44

In a 2004 press release, “the American Medical Association (AMA) released the results of two nationwide polls that reveal the extent of underage consumption and marketing exposure to “alcopops” or so-called “girlie drinks.” The AMA expressed concern that hard-liquor brands are using these sweet-flavored malt beverages as “gateway” beverages to attract less-experienced drinkers”. According to the Marin Institute, an alcohol industry watchdog organization, alcopops are especially popular with young teens and middle schoolers and they are designed to look just like non-alcoholic lemonade and energy drinks, but contain about the same amount of alcohol as beer. Alcopops also has a high sugar and, sometimes, caffeine content to diminish the flavor and affect of the alcohol. This new product is especially alarming as the AMA reports that “the percentage of girls who drink is on the rise faster than boys” and we know the role drinking plays in a person’s life is vastly different for girls than for boys. Even the health effects are different. The AMA press release states that “according to the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, women drinking at the same rate as men, continue to be at higher risk for certain serious medical consequences of alcohol use including liver, brain and heart damage”.

In “Sex Role Setups and Alcoholism” Cynthia Downing looked at the work of Dr. Sharon Wilsnack to explore why women drink. Dr. Wilsnack “hypothesized that women may drink to resolve sex role conflicts connected with their inability to attain the unattainable feminine ideal as prescribed by the culture” (50). Downing asserts that women tend to hide their alcohol use much more than men do. And if a woman’s drinking develops into an addiction to alcohol, the fact that the addiction is hidden can lead to the woman being inaccurately treated or untreated for the primary disease.

There are many other issues that stem from the increase use of alcohol by females that surface before the female is even classified as an alcoholic. The polls released by the AMA found that “nearly one in six teen girls who have drunk alcopops in the past six months have been sexually active after drinking”. We saw examples of this very issue in Spin the Bottle and Smashed. Some of the young women in Spin the Bottle admit that they drink to feel sexy. If a young woman’s judgment is impaired from drinking and she’s feeling more relaxed and sexy, she’s much more likely to engage in sexual activity. The consequences of having sex are not openly talked about in our society, and when they are, women are often blamed or told that they asked for it while young men will be given a pass because the alcohol clouded his judgment.

To me, the most alarming piece of information from the AMA press release deals with the marketing of alcopops. According to the press release “a study released earlier this year by the Center for Alcohol Marketing and Youth revealed that girls ages 12-20 saw 95 percent more magazine ads for alcopops than women of 21”. The target audience of alcopops is women 21-34 but the study found that they were less exposed “magazine advertising for alcopops and peer than girls aged 12-20”. Spin the Bottle revealed that the ads used to sell alcohol to young women send the message that women need to be drinking more by implying that if women drink like men then they will inherit man’s power. As mentioned earlier, the health effects of drinking the same amount of alcohol as men do are much greater for women.

Digital Scrapbook #3

Drug-Free Action Alliance: Children Vote Beer Commercials among Their Favorite Super Bowl Ads

Neither my husband nor I are pro-football fans. None–the-less, we look forward to watching the Super Bowl every year, though not for the football—for the ads. Advertising companies realize that the Super Bowl is their time to shine. They spend more and more money every year to produce bigger and better ads, competing with other ad companies to have the “Best Super Bowl Ad”. Advertisers also want their ads to be memorable; after all, the reason for the ad in the first place is to get you to buy whatever it is they are advertising. Some adults, me included, can simply watch and enjoy the ads without feeling the need to buy into what it is marketing. I’m capable of understanding that advertisers use any tactic they can think of if it may persuade you to purchase their product, including sex. But what affect do Super Bowl ads have on children? Most of what they are trying to sell isn’t for children, so a person might assume that the kids tune out or don’t pay attention to the ads. This would be especially true for alcohol ads. But when the Drug-Free Action Alliance surveyed 6,300 Ohio youth in middle and high school about their favorite Super Bowl ad, they “selected commercials for alcohol, specifically beer commercials, among their favorites”. When students specifically named their favorite commercial, the Anheuser-Busch commercials took “three of the top six most-remembered ads”. I know many adults who don’t see this as an issue, after all, kids cannot just go out and buy beer; they just enjoy the ads. But more and more research is showing the negative impact alcohol ads have on kids.

In “Defining Addiction: Patterns of Chemical and Psychological Addictions” Charlotte Kasl examines the personal experience of addiction starting with predisposing factors which can determine whether a person will become addicted to a substance. The first of these predisposing factors is the availability of the substance; meaning, “repeated exposure to a drug or substance increases the changes of using that substance” (94). Kasl emphasizes the “need to recognize that exposing children and young people repeatedly to alcohol and alcohol ads that equate alcohol with being sexy, glamorous, cool, and watching sports may make it harder for the people with alcoholic chemistry to abstain because they keep getting presented with a trigger to their unconscious pleasure center” (94).

In the film Still Killing Us Softly3, Jean Kilbourne stresses the need to take advertising seriously. We need to realize that the goal of the ads is to tell us who we are and who we should be. She also emphasizes that not only are the ads defining us, but they also keep us trapped in strict roles of masculinity and femininity. These are the messages being sent to our children, who are very impressionable, by the advertisers because they need to convey their message early and often to the future consumers. And their selling tactics work; if they didn’t, advertising would not be a $130 billion industry (in 1994). Kilbourne, in “Still Killing Us Softly: Advertising and the Obsession with Thinness”, the “advertising industry is a powerful educational force in America. The average American is exposed to over 1500 ads every day and will spend a year and a half of this or her life watching television commercials. Although the individual ads are often insipid and trivial, they have a serious cumulative impact” (395).

In terms of alcohol addiction, the impact of the alcohol commercials was revealed in a study published in Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine in January of 2006. According to a press release from the Drug-Free Action Alliance, the study “found that youth who saw more alcohol ads on average drank more than those who did not see the ads. It is noteworthy that in 2007, Anheuser-Busch is estimated to have spent nearly $20 million on commercials that aired during the Super Bowl according to the Center for Science in the Public Interest”.

In 2008, more than 17 million Super Bowl viewers were under the age of 21.

Digital Scrapbook #2

A Drug-Free Action Alliance Program: Parents Who Host, Lose The Most: Don’t be a party to teenage drinking

In the 1980s and 1990s, many of the movies about high school shared a similar scene: the parents have gone out of town for the weekend; the teenager throws a wild party; many of the teens at the party are drinking, smoking, or using illegal drugs (or sometimes all three) with no major consequences; sometimes the parents would come home early; and sometimes the parents never find out. And certainly this type of party was not reserved just for movies, many teens hosted, and still do, parties like these all the time. But there is a new trend in teenage parties that has sparked national attention, new legislation, topics for daytime talk shows, and a new slogan: “Parents Who Host, Lose The Most: Don’t be a party to teenage drinking”. That’s right; parents have starting hosting parties where they allow the teens to drink. Some parents even supply the alcohol. According to a newsletter article from the Drug Free Action Alliance, an Ohio-based nonprofit prevention agency, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University surveyed parents and teens and found that “one-third of teen partygoers have been to parties where teens were drinking alcohol, smoking pot, or using cocaine, Ecstasy or prescription drugs while a parent was present. By age 17, nearly half (46 percent) of teen have been at such parties where parents were present”.

Given the possibly life-threatening side-effects of drinking, especially teen drinking, some may question the parenting skills the host-parents have. But the parents who host these parties do not feel they are doing anything wrong, quite the opposite, they feel they are keeping kids safe by allowing them to drink openly and under adult supervision. Many of these parents believe that teens drink whether they allow it or not and therefore they aren’t going to stop them from drinking. In Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood, Koren’s mother has this same line of thinking. If Koren is going to get wasted, her mom would prefer she does it at home because it is safer. While I don’t agree with this parenting philosophy, I’m not the one parenting those teens. The bigger problem, however, is when parents host parties and allow other teens to drink without their parent’s knowledge, much less consent. I also strongly disagree with the theory that the teens will be safer because they are being supervised by a parent. Maybe I would buy this argument if there were no more than four or five teens at the party, but this doesn’t seem realistic to me. The number of teens at the average high school party is most likely going to exceed the number of teens one or two parents can reasonably be responsible for.

I was channel surfing one day and came across the Montel Williams Show. The topic that day happened to be “Parents Who Host”. I don’t know why I decided to stop and watch the show, I wasn’t a parent yet and I didn’t attend parties like these when I was in high school. In fact, this was the first time I had heard of these parties. The main guest was a mother who allowed her daughter to go to a party because she knew the parents were going to be home. She thought she was doing her job as a mom to confirm that the party was going to be supervised by parents. As I’m sure is true with many parents, she assumed that parents at home equates to no drinking. Sadly, this was not the case. Her daughter died that night after drinking too much. Like other parents who host teen drinking parties, the host parents felt that by allowing drinking in their home they could keep the kids safe. They couldn’t. The mother of the girl who died begged other parents who might be watching to not just confirm the presence of parents at parties but to also specifically ask if there would be alcohol available to the teens. I have not forgotten her message and either my husband or I make a phone call to parents before letting our teens go to a party.

In thinking about this issue in relation to the casual attitudes the college students had towards drinking in Spin the Bottle, I’m curious if there is any correlation to the increase in college binge drinking to the increase in parents hosting drinking parties. In hosting these parties, do parents give their kids the impression that drinking, especially underage drinking is not a big deal? That the underage drinking laws serve more like guidelines than actual laws?

Digital Scrapbook #1

"And Now, Back in the Real World: A report from the front in the never-ending war on drugs" by Claudia Kalb for Newsweek

Generally speaking, our society views drug use to be a criminal offence. In the 1970s, our government declared a war on drugs, and every year our prison systems house more and more drug offenders. But some in the criminal justice system are starting to realize that this approach to fighting drugs fails to recognize that those who use drugs often do so because they are addicted, and drug addiction is a disease which can be treated. In Nashville, Judge Seth Norman opened a residential addiction program in an effort to move nonviolent drug offenders away from the prison system and to treat their addiction. According to Claudia Kalb’s Newsweek article, states across America are beginning to look “for new ways to steer drug offenders away from prison cells and into treatment.”

While I’m thrilled that we are beginning to offer alternatives to prison for nonviolent drug offenders, part of me questions the motives behind it. In “Is Addiction Inevitable? Patriarchy, Hierarchy, and Capitalism” Charlotte Kasl examines the way drug addiction is being used as a political issue. While the public perception is that our government is trying “to help those below them”, they are “actually perpetuating their oppression—which, of course, maintains the status quo” (72). Kasl questions the sudden concern from those at the top of her illustration of hierarchy and patriarchy has with drug addiction. Is their concern truly for those “dying from drugs and related violence” or for themselves; “has the drug problem started to threaten their personal safety or the odds for re-election” (72)?

While reading the Newsweek article I found myself asking these very same questions. And in fact, there appears to be motivation beyond helping drug addicts get the help they need. According to Kalb, by putting drug addicts in treatment programs, rather than in prison, millions of taxpayer dollars will be saved. But Kalb also notes that, quite often, the treatment our system offers to drug offenders isn’t very good due in large part to lack of funding. And while our government accepts that treating the addiction, not incarceration, is the better option for nonviolent drug offenders, the budget has yet to support the shift. The federal government continues to place a higher monetary value on “stopping drug flow and enforcing drug laws than it does for treatment and prevention”. This year’s budget allocates almost twice as much for the enforcement of drug laws ($8.3 billion) then it does to treatment and prevention programs ($4.6 billion). If we know that good treatment and prevention programs work, why are we not funding them? Why are we not shifting some of the “millions of taxpayer dollars” saved by keeping addicts out of prison to the programs that allow us to “save” that money in the first place, in-turn making the programs better and even more effective? After all, these programs are a way for our leaders to, as Kasl says, “help those below them” (72). Or are they?

I believe that, in our society, there is a correlation between the level of importance and monetary value. By giving more money to the enforcement of drug laws, our government is telling us that this is more important than prevention and treatment of the drug addiction. And through drug law enforcement, those at the top of the hierarchy are able to maintain control over those who are addicted to drugs, and “fear of losing their control over others” is the motivating force behind the white men at the top of the hierarchy. As long as “women, African Americans, or Native Americans are sick, poor, and hooked on drugs and alcohol, they can’t threaten the status quo or stage a very effective revolution” (73).

Thin

My thoughts after viewing Laura Greenfield's documentary Thin from HBO.

I understand that eating disorders are not about the food itself. I used to have one, so I do get this. However, I do think that, while at an in-patient treatment center, it is important to have good foods available and also to include the patents in the preparation of their food. I don't know if it would make a difference or if it would help, it is just a theory that I have.

While watching the documentary Thin in class I couldn't let go of this theory. The food given to the women and girls at Renfrew Center looked horrible and not at all appetizing. At one point, one of the staff is trying to get Polly to eat a piece of pizza. The staff member asks her if she can just think of it as bread and Polly says no. My question, would the staff member be willing to eat the pizza? I wouldn't be! I even borrowed the film from the library and showed my husband and stepdaughters that part and they all agreed. The food doesn't look at all appetizing much less healthy.

There was no mention of the patents helping to create their menus, either. We did see patients meeting with the nutritionist but there was no talk about the type of foods they were eating or how to make good food choices. It is possible that these conversations ended up on the editing room floor but I would hope Greenfield, the director, would have kept at least one or two of those conversations in the film. I'm more inclined to believe that there isn't much emphasis on nutrition as their nutrition program isn't even mentioned on their website. I looked at over two dozen other in-patient centers across the States and every other facility mentions the nutritional aspect of recovery. A few even include my theory of involving the patients in meal preparation as well as meal planning and even grocery shopping. From what I can see the biggest difference between these programs and Renfrew is cost. While no facility website included the cost of their program they all had pictures, except for Renfrew. From the photos, I'm going to guess that these places are not cheap, not that Renfrew was but it is certainly more affordable than the other places. Which brings up the issue of the cost of recovery and insurance.

Three of the four women that the film focused on had to leave treatment before they felt they were ready because insurance would no longer cover it. One of the women, Polly, was fortunate to have a parent who was willing to pay for a few more days of treatment at Renfrew but this is not something many people are able to do. But what if eating disorders weren't seen as an disorder but as a disease like cancer? Insurance wouldn't stop paying for a treatment that is working for someone who has cancer, yet, it is OK for them to do so with someone with an eating disorder even though the person could die without the treatment. And many of the better treatment centers are very expensive. Are they saying only those with money are worthy of healing and getting healthy? If someone doesn't have enough money they have to go somewhere like Renfrew where, in my opinion, they aren't getting the best care or even decent care. I wonder what the difference in the relapse rate is between the higher end facilities verses places like Renfrew? Or if there have been any studies done comparing treatment centers in countries with national health care to countries without it and their rates of relapse? Trying to get better is challenge enough, but then when the cost of treatment is added into the mix the stress felt by the patents must be overwhelming as we saw with Polly when she found out that her insurance was done paying for treatment because she had gained enough weight. I wonder if she would still be alive today had she been able to be at a better center and for a longer period of time.

New York Times on Katie Reider

Here's an article from the New York Times about Katie.

We'll miss you Katie Reider

Katie Reider died this morning. We've lost an amazing woman today.

http://katiereider.blogspot.com/

Letter to Koren

My letter to Koren Zailckas, author of Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood.

Dear Koren,

While reading your book I knew I was going to have to write you this letter once I finished. Throughout the book I struggled on what I would say to you. Even though you and I are the same age I had a difficult time relating to you, understanding you. I found myself feeling frustrated with you and the choices you made throughout the book, especially in college. I had a hard time wrapping my head around your thought processes, or what seemed to be the lack of thought. You seemed to contradict yourself on many levels. Early on I got the impression that you were more of an outsider and had no desire to be part of a big group or the in crowd. But once in college you joined a sorority, something I look at as trying to be cool and part of the in crowd. You said many times over that you preferred booze to boys yet at your graduation ceremony you recall that "in the rows ahead of me, there are too many ex-Xs to name." (page 298) There were times when I had to literally put the book down because I just didn't get why you were doing the things you were doing. Specifically when you and Elle broke into Skip's fraternity house to steal what ever items you could. Everything you did seemed so juvenile and immature to me. That's when it dawned on me. I was reading your book as a 27 year old mom and with all the perceptions of where I'm at right now in my life. Once I started thinking about my own high school and college years and trying to read the book from that point of view I began to see you and the choices you made in a different light. I am still not saying that I totally understand all of the things that you did or that you didn't make bad choices, just that I remember those years and I understand some of it.

I too was more of an outsider but joined a sorority, feeling the need to be part of something and not really meshing well with my first roommate. While I didn't drink often, I remember craving the numbness drinking would bring and the freedom it gave me to be more sexual with men and women. I remember not knowing who I really was or what I was about but thinking that I did. And the meaningless relationship with boys, that I remember all too well. And I remember wanting to escape and change who I was only to feel isolated and alone.

While reading I kept thinking that you couldn't have grown that much from your experiences, that there hadn't been enough time. That thought seems so silly to me now, we're the same age and haven't I grown a lot in the same amount of time? Why would that be possible for me and not you? How quickly we forget how much we've changed in just a few short years. Thank you for reminding me of this, it is something I needed to remember right now as I navigate life with teenage stepdaughters. My feelings and attitudes about life now have matured as I have aged. What I thought was ok when I was 16 is not the same thing that I think is ok for a 16 year old now.

As I read the last chapter of your book I was impressed with how much you seemed to grow in such a short amount of time. Your decision to abstain from alcohol rather than to be sober was smart. I especially love your realization that women need to allow themselves to be angry and to knock off the passive aggressive crap. And more than your last chapter, you acknowledgments section really spoke to me. For the first time I feel like you let us really hear how you felt about specific people in your life. Perhaps it was the first time you let yourself recognize their importance. I don't know, your words just seemed so much more real here then anywhere else in the book.

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm asking my teens to read it this summer as well as my husband. Thank you for reminding me how much we change in such a short amount of time.

Underwire Bras

Apparently my kids listen to all my conversations even when I don't think they are close enough to hear what is being said. How do I know this? Because this morning, while getting dressed, Cole and Lydia asked me if I was wearing a bra with underwire and then they proceeded to tell me that if I am I shouldn't be because they are uncomfortable. How do they know about such things? I was talking on the phone the other night about getting new bras to a friend. I don't even remember them being in the same room with me! Guess I need to start watch what I say!

That was my laugh for the day. And it was a good one.

Teenagers...

The past few weeks have been hellish around here. Communication between Jim and L (his ex-wife) has been crappy but getting better. Normally we all get along really well. L even stayed with us for almost a week last summer when she decided to leave her husband. So we have a better than average relationship with one another. Lately it seemed like we couldn't do anything right. And to be fair, we felt like everything that was being done on the other end had some deeper meaning behind it too. Everything came to a head this weekend and, while things are improving with L, our lives were turned upside down by Jim's oldest, B.

B is going to be 16 in less than a week. Developmentally, 16 year olds are self-centered, not necessarily something they can help, after all it is a developmental stage. We can handle that. What we can't handle is what is happening.

Several months ago B asked Jim if we could make some changes to the shared parenting calendar. Understanding her desire for slightly more independence, Jim said we could do that and asked her what she wanted to do with the schedule. "I don't know." The conversation ended there. The subject is brought up a few more times but always ends at the same place. We can't exactly make changes when we don't know what changes she wants to make. More on this in a moment.

Both B and A (my other stepdaughter) are upset that we don't take them shopping enough. They're right, we don't. It hasn't been a priority amongst everything else going on during the weekends, the only time we see them during the school year. Don't get me wrong, they're not running around naked. They have a small variety of clothing, mostly hang-out clothes like t-shirts and gym shorts and a few other things, but not much else. When they're only here on the weekends a majority of the year it is really hard to justify going out and spending a lot of money on tons of clothes. Could we have done better. Yes. Do they still have more clothing in their drawers that fits them then I do? Yes. The other clothing issue is where we go for clothes. Most of our clothes shopping is done at two places: Target and thrift stores. B is fine with Target, A isn't a fan. Neither one of them likes to go to thrift stores. I understand why they don't, especially when their mom can take them to Limited Too, American Eagle, Abercrombie, Macy's, and other mall stores that charge way too much. We, however, cannot take them to those stores. For starters, we just don't have the money. Secondly, if we had the money, I still don't know if I could bring myself to shop there. My mom worked retail all my life, I know how much the stores pay for that stuff and the mark-up is sickening. To be fair, I do buy clothes every now and then from New York & Company for myself. When I do, it is off the clearance rack ($9.99 for a $40.00 pair of pants) or it is on sale AND I have a coupon (I got two $40.00 dresses for a total of $33.00 this past weekend). With the exception of the dresses I got this weekend, I only get clothes from here for work and the pants (along with some clearance shirts) are the first new clothes I've gotten in over a year. There have also been times when Jim told B he was going to take her shopping but she got home too late or made other plans. Still, could we do better on this front? Totally. Could they be more open to less expensive places to shop? Yes.

As kids get older they want to spend less and less time with their family and more time with their friends and boyfriend. We totally understand this. We also don't think it is asking too much to have one or two family nights a week. And going shopping does NOT count as a family night. A majority of B's week last time she was here (2 weeks ago) was spent with friends. She was home on Monday (I can't remember what we did Monday night), Tuesday she went out with J, her boyfriend, for the entire day. Tuesday night she was home because we took her shopping. Wednesday and Thursday she was out all day and night. Friday she stayed home because, again, Jim took her shopping. She asked on Friday if a friend she hasn't seen in a while could come over on Saturday and Jim said that was fine but he was also planning something. Saturday comes and B's friend comes over for a bit. Jim tells B that we are going to ComFest as a family but her friend is welcome to come. The friend can't, she's heading home but B doesn't want to go. In fact, she's already made plans with other friends. Apparently, Jim saying she could do something with the one friend meant she could do something with all of her friends. That's her belief anyway. Besides, she doesn't want to go to ComFest. Jim tries to explain to her that this is something HE would like to do as a family and sometimes you just have to do things for the family. She said she spent time with him...he reminded her that time was about her, going shopping for her, it wasn't family time. In the end he let her go out, mostly because he realized if you hold a butterfly too tight you'll crush it (or, for teens, push them away) and at some point you have to let go. He was devastated though. He felt like she only wanted to spend time with him if it was on her terms and doing what she wanted to do. He felt like a failure as a father, that he wasn't able to teach his daughter that sometimes you do things for other people not because you also want to do them but because you know it is important and means a lot to the other person. That this is a great way to say "I love you".

Fast forward to July 3rd. Jim goes to pick B and A up from their mom's house and B refuses to come over. Jim decides to give her space for the night and takes her out for coffee the next morning. B wants to make her mom's house her permanent residence. Fine, no problem. Jim tells her he understands why she would want that and he is ok with it, he would, however, like her to take his opinion into consideration in what the new schedule will be. He wants there to be family time and said family time might not always be what she wants to do. He wanted her to recognize that not all of the issues of the past few months were totally his fault. That she played a role as well. That didn't happen though. Any progress he thought they made was quickly erased later in the day when he was told that, had it not been July 4th, B would have been at a lawyer's office. Yes, you read that right. She was going to get a lawyer and take us to court to get her way. WHAT. THE. HELL. We don't physically, mentally, sexually, emotionally, or verbally abuse her. We ask her questions like where is she going, who is she going out with. Apparently that is too controlling. We ask her to spend some family time with us, also too controlling. L tells Jim that B doesn't want to cut him out of her life, she wants a relationship with him. Really? She wants a relationship with him? Really? 'Cause taking someone to court doesn't exactly scream I love you to me. The kicker here is that B doesn't think it is a big deal. When Jim told her the way to get what you want is not to threaten someone, B didn't seem to think it was a big deal, that it isn't as serious as Jim is making it sound. Taking someone to court isn't serious? In what world is taking someone to court not serious?!?!?

In the end, she's not taking us to court (at least I don't think she is). She's living full time with her mom. A schedule has yet to be worked out but one will be. B is welcome here anytime but there needs to be a schedule given that there are 3 other siblings involved. And her relationship with Jim (and me) has to be rebuilt. She's hurt her father deeply and continues to do so by not recognizing the seriousness of what she threatened or that he is hurting so much. She came over yesterday for my birthday and not once said anything to me about what was going on. Never mind the fact that Jim hasn't slept in days. Never mind the fact that my birthday was forgotten about because he was consumed with this. Never mind the fact that he spent a majority of the holiday weekend on the phone with L or B and when he wasn't on the phone he was still focusing on it non-stop. Never mind the fact that my kids keep asking when they are going to see their big sister again and why she isn't here when the calendar says she's suppose to be.

At the fireworks on Friday Cole kept talking about the "smooshed heart" fireworks to Jim. Jim understands a smooshed heart all too well right now.

I know there is a saying 'when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.' I try to keep this in mind when going through a rough time and this time, I seem to have lost my recipe for lemonade. We're at a loss as to where to go from here. One day life will get easier, right? Right?

Other things/people I don't get...

While on the subject of things/people I don't get...

Women who don't vote and the lack of depth about suffrage in history classes. In my other Women's Studies class we're watching Iron Jawed Angels, which, from what I can find, is very accurate in its portrayal of what the women leading the Suffrage Movement endured. The romantic story isn't accurate but the treatment the women received is.

WHY THE HELL DIDN'T WE LEARN ABOUT THIS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL? Did you know these women were held as political prisoners on trumped up charges of "blocking traffic" because they stood outside the White House holding a banner that quoted the President. I don't have the exact text of the banner but it was an except from his April 2, 1917 War Message to Congress. The text of the banner was taken from this part of his speech (the part in bold is the part I believe they quoted but I'm not totally sure):

It is a fearful thing to lead this great peaceful people into war, into the most terrible and disastrous of all wars, civilization itself seeming to be in the balance. But the right is more precious than peace, and we shall fight for the things which we have always carried nearest our hearts -- for democracy, for the right of those who submit to authority to have a voice in their own governments, for the rights and liberties of small nations, for a universal dominion of right by such a concert of free peoples as shall bring peace and safety to all nations and make the world itself at last free. (Wilson's War Message to Congress)

Why the hell weren't we taught what these women went through to gain the rest of us the right to vote? And why in the world do some women not vote after what these women endured. Hmm...maybe I've just answered my own question. Women have no fucking idea what was done for them to be able to cast their ballot.

I don't get our schools either...how can they not be teaching this?

In my Women and Addiction class we watched a film called Spin the Bottle. It is about drinking drinking in college. Very fascinating look into college life and why students feel the need or have the desire to drink. I don't understand why this film isn't shown in every single freshman orientation to both the incoming students and their parents. It should be then and in high school. Why isn't this film in every high school being watched by all of their students? I think I'll be making a call to my step-daughter's high school about it.

I try very hard to understand people with different views on things than I do. I'm finding this to be increasingly difficult, especially on this issue. I have never been a big drinker, the three times in my life I've been drunk I got sick and spent the night talking to God on the porcelain phone. Any fun I may have had those evenings was not worth the price I paid later on. I vividly remember crawling on the floor while begging God to let me make it to the bathroom before I puked so I wouldn't have to clean up my own puke or, on one occasion when I was drinking to escape my life, to just help me make it through the night because I was so trashed I wasn't sure if I would wake up. Many of the students recount similar stories after a night of drinking but "Hey, I had fun at the party." I just don't get this. I don't get going out and "drinking to get drunk" three nights a week every week. The film talked about the reasons kids give as to why they drink and it is just so sad. To feel powerful, to feel sexy, to fit in, to be a man because "the more you drink the more of a man you are." What the hell are we doing to our kids?!?!?!

Here's a clip from the film:



Again I ask, what the hell are we doing to our kids?

Addiction, Patriarchy, Capitalism, and Power

Talk about the relationship between “Addiction”, “Patriarchy”, “Capitalism”, and “Power”. Discuss how these concepts affect one another/perpetuate or influence the cycle of addiction. Refer to page 7 of the Northrup piece and reflect on the ways you contribute to the “Addictive System”.
The relationship between addiction, patriarchy, capitalism, and power is often not recognized in our society, much less discussed. Regardless of whether we choose to acknowledge it the relationship exists and, like the circle of life, is cyclical. Unlike the circle of life, the cyclical relationship of addiction, patriarchy, capitalism, and power has many different ways of playing out.
In Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom Christiane Northrup, MD lays out one cycle for us on page six. This circle starts with our patriarchal society which “demands” women to “ignore or turn away from their hopes and dreams in deference to men and the demands of their families.” Because of this, women deny their need for “self-expression and self-actualization” leading to great emotional pain. Rather than face the pain head on, women commonly with turn to “addictive substances” and develop “addictive behaviors”. This process is what Charlotte Kasl refers to as psychic numbing and dissociation in her book Many Roads, One Journey: Moving beyond the 12 Steps. These substances and behaviors result in a cycle of abuse because, according to Northrup, by “being abused or abusing ourselves, we become ill” and “when we become ill, we are treated by a patriarchal medical system.” This system looks down on a woman’s body, which is seen as dysfunctional and it doesn’t bother to look at the whole person or attempt to get to the root of a problem. Rather, our medical system is designed to treat part of a person and believes that science is always right and intuition cannot be trusted. As if these beliefs aren’t hard enough to overcome there is also the issue of access to good medical care. Often women don’t receive the same type of care that men do for the same illnesses leading to more sickness or the development of chronic health problems “for which the medical establishment has no answers or treatments” (Northrup, 6). The cycle starts with a patriarchal society and ends with a patriarchal medical system which we are taught never to question.
In Feminist Perspectives on Addiction Cynthia Downing shows us another cycle. She cites studies showing that women are disproportionately victimized in alcohol related battering, sexual abuse, and rape cases. Child abuse is common when one or both parents are alcoholics, especially neglect which “is a form of emotional violence” (Downing 52). Because the child is being neglected their basic needs are not being met which can lead to impairments that “can contribute to the development of the child’s own alcoholism or drug addiction” (Downing 52).
Capitalism also plays a role in the cycle by feeding into insecurities and addictive behaviors, persuading and encouraging us to purchase and consume more things to fill the voids in our life. And yet, the more we buy the less we're satisfied and then we feel the need to buy more and the cycle goes on and on.
The “Addictive System”
The medical side of the Addictive System is a hard road to navigate. I often forget to listen to my body and find myself relying on what the doctor says or the latest study. But then when I remember that this is my body and no one understands it the way I do, and I listen to what it is trying to tell me, I'm a much happier and healthier person. In my job, I walk a fine line between reminding women that they indeed know how to birth and, at the same time, trying to remain neutral about natural verses medicated birth. In natural birth, a woman does what feels right to her and she is able to listen to her inner wisdom. In medicated birth, you do what you're told and the machines know more than you because you're numb, literally and figuratively, to the process. I do what I can in my classes to give birth back to women and take it away from the Addictive System by changing vocabulary and showing women how they can move when not tied down to a bed. I talk about doctors catching their baby that they've just birthed rather than the doctor delivering the baby. But, as Northrup points out on page ten, even the studies we rely on are founded in this system that only studies the abnormal and not the normal.
As a mother, I do my best to teach my son and daughters that being a woman is a wonderful thing and the female body is just as beautifully designed as the male body. I celebrated with my stepdaughters when they had their first periods and plan to do the same for my daughter. I don't complain when my period comes around and I take that time to give my body a break and let it do what it is suppose to do, and I make sure my kids know and understand this.

Katie Reider

Please go to www.500kin365.org and read about Katie Reider.

Katie is an amazing woman. She and her family needs all the help and prayers they can get. Her voice has touched everyone who has heard it. Her music is what was playing when my son came into this world and she sang at our wedding for our first dance.

We love you Katie.

Our Country is Falling Apart

Every now and then I turn on the Today Show in the mornings, usually when I'm awake but not ready to get up. This morning I'm reminded why I'm not a regular viewer of the Today Show or any other shows like it.

Our country, and the world, is falling apart. Gas prices are soaring. People are driving less because, according to the reporter, of the high price of fuel. Here in Columbus, gas went from $3.85 at most stations to $4.09 yesterday. According to the report, there are 2% fewer cars on the road today than a year ago. More people are car pooling and taking public transportation because they can no longer afford to fill their gas tanks. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled about this shift, I just wish there were more public transportation options available to more people. I have no options but to drive to school. Between the increase in gas and the decrease in financial aid I'm not sure how much longer I can afford to go to school. I certainly can't be the only one dealing with this.

The climate is changing more dramatically and faster then ever before. The southwest part of the country can expect the drought they are experiencing to continue with no end in sight. The midwest can expect to see torrential downpours and major flooding more often with only 8 years between major flooding events rather than every 20 years. The average highs are only projected to get hotter.

There is a high school that had a huge surge in teen pregnancies with 17 sophomore girls expecting. When a reporter from Time magazine went to the high school to investigate she discovered these weren't unplanned pregnancies. These girls made a pact with each other to get pregnant and to raise their babies together. I feel so sad for these girls. Even more, I feel so sad for their babies.

Not only are food prices rising, the amount of food in prepackaged boxes is decreasing. Yet another hit to the family budget.

After listening to all of these stories I have noticed something missing from all of the reports. What we can do to make a difference. They may causally mention what some people are doing. In the gas price story they showed two women who have starting car pooling. But they didn''t offer any real solutions. No wonder depression rates are so high. If you watch any of these morning shows you're being told things are getting worse and worse and offered no solutions. This makes it look like there is no hope, we're doomed and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I refuse to believe this. I know there has to be more that I can do...I just have to spend hours of my time (that I don't really have) to research what those things are. Gee, that sort of seems like the job of a reporter.

Addiction and Feminism

Reflect on your experiences with addiction. What stereotypes do you have? When you think of addiction do you think of other types such as addiction to sex, food, shopping? How are feminism and addiction related?

Addiction has been part of my life, in one way or another, my entire life. Growing up my mom was addicted to Diet Pepsi and cigarettes. At times, she was known to smoke more than a pack a day. My dad has food addiction issues, more specifically, an addiction to sweet food. I myself was addicted to not eating food and to cutting. I also craved alcohol, though I never drank as a teen. I didn't understand why this was until I met my birth family (I am adopted). My birth mom had also struggled with addiction for part of her life. She, in addition to her mom and most of her brothers & sisters, dealt with sex, drug and alcohol addiction as a teen. The others in her family have been dealing with it for much more of their lives. My birth dad dealt with drug and alcohol addiction for a majority of his adult life. I wasn't ever exposed to my birth mom's issues as we never lived together. I was however, living my birth father when he admitted to me that he was addicted to cocaine and alcohol the day before checking himself into rehab. As an adult, both my husband and I have struggled with addition to video games and I am addicted to my ADHD medication as I cannot forgo a dose of prescribed amphetamine and expect to have a functional day. I also still struggle with cutting. While I have not cut in over 8 years the desire is still there at times, mostly when I'm feeling overwhelmed and have allowed others to get the better of me. I wonder if this will always be a struggle for me. I find myself thinking about cutting without even realizing I am thinking about it until it is too late. I hope one day to be rid of these thoughts for good, until them, I'll continue to push them out of my head as fast as they pushed their way into it. Food and I have a very healthy relationship now and we are good friends.

I am, however, proud to say that my mom is no longer a smoker, though, she does struggle with prescribed pills at times and still loves her Diet Pepsi. These don't bother me because she did successfully quit smoking, something she swore she would never do in a million years. My birth father, after falling off the proverbial wagon a few times, has been clean and sober for almost five years after hitting rock bottom after the birth of my son, his first grandchild, when he realized he wanted to be a good grandfather to him. I no longer have a relationship with my birth mother so I cannot say how she or anyone else in her family is dealing with their addictions. My dad is still addicted to sweets and probably always will be. Both my husband and I have conquered our video game addiction and we even canceled our subscriptions to World of Warcraft, which was not an easy thing to do! We did get a Wii for Christmas but have been pretty healthy in our use of it as well as our children's use of it.

Because of my personal and family history with addiction I really can't say what stereotypes I have regarding this issue. I have learned that addiction to anything comes in all different packages and especially from those whom you least expect it. The same goes for other types of addiction. While the first things that often come to mind are drugs and alcohol, I do recognize other additions. I do forget that things such as eating disorders (be it anorexia or over eating), sex, and shopping are considered addictions as these types aren't often talked about...not that addiction in general is something often talked about.

The biggest link, for me, between feminism and addiction comes from my belief that one feminist ideal is having control and power of my body and my life and not turning these things over to someone or something else. When a person has an addiction they are no longer in control of their body and/or their life. Instead, the addiction has control and power over the person though they may not realize it or may not recognize this to be the case.

My teacher is making me blog

For my readers who haven't been reading because there hasn't been anything new to read in some time now, you will be happy to know that I will be blogging regularly for the next ten weeks for a class I am taking. My hope is that this will get me in the habit of blogging regularly so you all have more to read from me. :)

Our Trip to Florida

I FREAKING ROCK!

I FREAKING ROCK! I go in to my History class to take my final exam and my prof comes up to me and hands me my final paper and says: "You currently have an A in this class. You don't have to take the final exam if you don't want to and, quite frankly, if you do take the final exam I am not going to grade it." And I got an "Excellent" on my final paper. :D

I know it is just a 100 level class but 5 years ago I freaking failed out of Columbus State and now I'm smart and I am soooooo not used to what this feels like. Eventually I'm sure an A will be no big deal but I'm not there yet. :D

Ignorance is Bliss

Whom ever coined this phrase certainly knew what they were talking about. As I struggle to make major decisions about my life and my children's education I find myself sometimes wishing I didn't know as much as I do. Jim gets frustrated when I say this as he feels we are able to make better decisions based on knowing so much. Yes, we do get to make better decisions and we also have to deal with the desire to make the better decision without having the means to do so. Fear is another factor we have to deal with; the fear of changing what we know so well. I'm finding this to be true with so much right now: the nutritional health of my family, treating my ADHD, how to educate my children, and even planing my spring quarter schedule.

Nutrition is extremely important and I believe we do better than the average family. However, my son has, at the very least, a sensitivity to dairy and I suspect Jim, my stepdaughters, and I do as well. His sensitivity isn't life-threatening and I'm fairly certain many parents wouldn't even realize his symptoms are even linked to dairy...thus the issue of being too informed. I have a strong desire to go 100% dairy free yet can't get over my fear of not ever having real cheese pizza again or a bowel of cereal with milk or ice cream. With my son being dairy free, eating out is a major challenge. We don't eat out often and there are nights when nothing has been planed, we have no food in the 'fridge and no one has any motivation to cook anything and even if they did, the kitchen would need to be cleaned first. If I were a more organized mom this wouldn't be an issue and I'm not at all organized. So I know the problem and I know what to do about it yet I can't seem to get over a rather silly fear of not having certain foods to do the right thing.


There are days I wish I didn't know I had ADHD. I hated feeling stupid, lazy and crazy back then but at least that was all I knew. Now, I know I'm smart and sane and motivated and I have to chose what portions of my day I'm going to be those things and what portions I'm going to be crazy, lazy and stupid because the meds aren't working well for me any more. We can't afford the medication that works the best as our insurance company no longer covers it and I'm too scared to try the natural treatments as those take time to work. That and they cost even more money than the medication does. Not that I want to be on medication...I just want to function. I just want to live my life and not survive it.

I've posted enough for tonight. To be continued...