Monday, July 12, 2010

I've been a childbirth educator at a small hospital in Ohio for a little over two years. We have the privilege of being the only hospital in the state to offer a true Lamaze class. Our class is 3 hours long and meets once a week for 4 weeks. Generally, of the 10 open seats in the class, 4 are filled a month. Sometimes more and sometimes less. This month I have 7 couples! And they are all birthing at our hospital! (Usually it is about 50/50.)

I was thrilled! Was word finally getting out about our amazing class? Are more people finally wanting to learn more about their birth? Regardless, I was really looking forward to teaching this class series.

After I welcomed everyone I started to give a brief overview of the class. When I started talking about class two, everyone looked confused. One person spoke up and said they thought the class was a one time class...and everyone else nodded their head in agreement. Someone else said that it being a one-time, 3 hour class was the only reason they signed up for it.

My heart sank. I didn't know what to say. I asked them a few questions:
  • How many of you have spent at least 6 hours looking at and registering for baby items?
  • How many of you have spent at least 6 hours designing, decorating and painting the baby's room?
To no surprise everyone raised a hand to at least one question and most everyone to both questions.

WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Why do people put so much importance on things that really don't matter? Really, your baby won't care what color room he/she has!

It is after classes like this that I question why I do what I do.

Why do I spend my entire Sunday away from my family teaching people who really don't give a damn? I could be sitting by the pool, reading a good book, spending some quality time with my husband and kids. I do love what I do...I just wish the parents understood the importance of what is to come for them.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The First Day of the Last Year of My Twenties

My friend Kristen had the great idea to set 29 goals to accomplish before her 30th birthday. Today is her half-birthday and she posted a midyear progress report.

Today also happens to be my 29th birthday. Here's my list:
  1. Attend the DONA International Birth Doula Trainer Workshop in New Mexico.
  2. Complete the DONA International Birth Doula Trainer program.
  3. Read The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, and The Return of the King.
  4. Blog at least once a week, and maybe even more than that.
  5. Write a table of contents, outline and write at least 2 chapters of the book Kim and I want to write and publish. (It will be a book about childbirth from the perspective of a Labor & Delivery Nurse and a Birth Doula)
  6. Cook a new dinner once a month.
  7. Buy a new Jeep Wrangler...and pay cash for it.
  8. Find a Christian church that meets all three of my requirements: 1. GLBT friendly, 2. Great music, 3. Kid friendly.
  9. Strengthen my relationships with ALL of my parents.
  10. Go backpacking at least 4 times.
  11. Finish the sweater I am knitting.
  12. Take my kids to the zoo, COSI, library, etc. more often.
  13. Teach the Breastfeeding Preparation Class at RMH (I'll be the first non-IBCLC to teach the class).
  14. Start and finish the Couch to 5k program (bad knees and all).
  15. Convince the doctors at Kingsdale to not ban all doulas.
  16. Teach Lydia how to knit.
  17. No more fast food.
  18. Listen to more of Jim's music.
  19. Teach an Evidence-Based Care for Nurses class.
  20. Help new doulas become experienced doulas.
  21. Read the Harry Potter series to my kids.
  22. Strengthen my relationship with both Becky and Lexie.
  23. Beat the new Zelda Wii game (hopefully it will be out before I'm 30!).
  24. Catch a fish.
  25. Provide more learning opportunities for my kids.
  26. Take more pictures.
  27. Make my bed in the mornings.
  28. Play more board games with my kids.
  29. Truly forgive those who have hurt me.
I can do all these things, right? Right?! :D

Friday, September 12, 2008

Lamaze Fun

I'm at the Lamaze Conference in Kentucky and am having a BLAST! I'm sharing a room with my two best buddies and my sort of boss from one of the hospitals I sort of work at. I got to see Orgasmic Birth last night and tonight we watched Pregnant in America. I am loving being around like-minded women. Two more days of birth-love bliss!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Child Care

I have spent the last 4 hours searching for child care. I should mention that 3 of those 4 hours I spent reading ads on two different sites and clicking on profiles only to find out that I have to pay almost $100.00 to have access to the person's email address (and for only 30 days). Then I looked at different nanny agencies in Columbus, Ohio. Ha! One place wants a $500.00 application fee AND also charges $1000.00 after you sign a nanny. Dude, I just need someone who is kind and gentle to watch my kids 20 hours a week. No cooking (except maybe pouring milk into a bowel of cereal or buttering toast), no cleaning, no running errands, easy-breezy stuff. Why the hell does this have to be so freaking hard? And what the hell do people with even less money than us do for childcare?

ARRGG!!! I need to work to make money for childcare but I can't work because I have no childcare. Sigh. I know this will work its self out sooner or later...I'm hoping for sooner.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Hillary Clinton Supporters, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?!



Really? Really?!?! You really are going to go from voting for HRC to McCain? And as if that isn't enough, you are in an ad telling others to do the same?!?!?! I hope your proud of that ad when Roe v. Wade is overturned. When your son (if you have one) is drafted to fight in more war. When you loose your job due to our economy. And don't give me that crap about holding Roe v. Wade over your head. I am sick of hearing HRC supporters say they are being held hostage by the DNC using the argument of Roe v. Wade. It isn't holding you hostage! It isn't holding it over your head! If McCain is the next POTUS, we've lost our right to choose! And with that, the last of our birthing rights will go down the drain too. This is a truth! This is a fact YOU HAVE TO FACE!!!!!!!

She lost. She did not run the best campaign. She assumed she would be the nominee and didn't really work to ensure it. What is that old saying about assuming things? You make an ass out of you and me? She didn't loose because sexism in the media; hell, they declared her the nominee in freaking 2006!* She didn't loose because of the DNC. She lost because she didn't plan on running a campaign after "Super Tuesday".

I'm sick of hearing about how they got the same amount of votes. NO THEY DIDN'T! In PRIMARIES they received the same number of votes. This does not include caucus states. Their individual votes aren't counted in the popular vote. And you CANNOT count MI and FL. Obama's name was not even on the ballot in MI. And while Hillary did "win" in MI, she received 55.23% of the vote. 40.07% of the vote went uncommitted. 238,168 people showed up just to vote AGAINST her (266,089 people if you count those who voted uncommitted and votes for Dodd, Kucinich, and Gravel). Not to mention the fact that Hillary herself said MI WOULD NOT COUNT! On New Hampshire Public Radio on October 11, 2008, HRC said "You know, it's clear, this election they're having is not going to count for anything."

I am angry and I am freaking scared to death that McCain could win this thing because of HRC supporters. Come on people, think about the reason you vote for the person you vote for!


*I am not saying that there was no sexism in the media, please understand this.

Friday, August 15, 2008

This one's for Lindsay (and anyone else who has thoughts on the matter)

OK, this is going to be a long one so grab some popcorn and a drink 'cause here we go!

On "Digital Scrapbook #8" Lindsay commented:
Do you think there is an order to Kasl's human value list? it is stated as "gender, race, class, position, religion, age, appearance, ethnic background, physical ability" i recently had a theory about this list and if they are treated equally or if some have more privilege than others and it was based on the outcome of the democratic presidential campaign.
Let me start by saying that I have not read all of Kasl's book. We read chapters from different books throughout the quarter. The list stated above is from chapter 3 "Is Addiction Inevitable? Patriarchy, Hierarchy, and Capitalism" in the book Many Roads, One Journey: Moving Beyond the 12 Steps. Any quotes from Kasl in this post are from this chapter. Also, I'm just guessing and giving my point of view; I am not an expert on this subject by any means. Now that I've gotten my paranoid disclaimer out of the way, I can give my thoughts on the matter.

In terms of a certain order to Kasl's human value list, she has created an illustration of hierarchy and patriarchy in the United States. I don't have an image file for it so just know that it looks like a triangle and at the top is are white men with images implying power and authority. The men are separated from everyone else by a chain-link fence. Below the fence we see everyone else (I didn't type these in any particular order): the white wives of the men above the fence, athletes, criminals, divorce, singers, teachers, the elderly, gay and lesbian couples, single mothers, those on welfare, drug dealers, Native Americans, etc. Here is what she writes about the illustration (emphasis at the end is hers, not mine):
If we look at our illustration of hierarchy and patriarchy, we see people of different genders, ages, colors, races, classes, educations, or economic situations. To survive this system, all of them have been conditioned to lose, bury, or not develop parts of themselves. it could be their ability to love, cry, show tenderness, feel pain, express anger, experience their fear, be assertive, or pursue their personal hopes and dreams. The part that gets lost or buried or never developed depends on where they are in the hierarchy, their particular childhood circumstances, and their personal empowerment. This ties in with our discussions of the human energy system--chakras--that follows.
For example, the white males at the top get to set the rules, but are cut off from their sensitivity and love because they must blind themselves to the fact that they are living off the backs of the people below them. The people who live below the chain-link fence spend a lot of time figuring out the rules of the people who live above them because they have to survive in their world. Thus they may have insight into the workings of the people above them, but they may not have a lot of time left to understand themselves. And the ones on the very bottom are exhausted simply trying to survive. This hinders them from experiencing the luxury of self-exploration and personal growth.
When we have parts of ourselves buried or undeveloped, we feel out of harmony, empty, or off-center, and often experience a sense of alienation that results in an inner void fueling both compulsive and addictive behavior as well as codependency. Gotta fill up the emptiness, gotta get rid of the pain and desperation. Give me money, sex, drugs, food, status, a wife, a husband. We engage in compulsive or addictive behavior so we don't have to feel what's inside. Patriarchy/hierarchy maintains and perpetuates addictive and dependent behavior in order to cover up the incredible losses of self and separateness created by our system.
I type all of this out to show that there does seem to be an order to this list as it relates to addiction. Within the context of the primaries for the Democratic Primaries, I think there are a couple of ways of looking at a potential order to the list. Kasl stresses that "the motivating force behind the white men at the top is often fear of losing their control over others" (73). Keeping this in mind, here are my thoughts.

In her illustration, the image of "two Black adult men being admired by a little boy" is farther down in the hierarchy than any of the images representing middle or upper-middle class white women. For the image of Black men, Kasl says that "by the age of eight, this inner-city boy realizes that he is unlikely to have access to the mainstream United States privileges of education and respect, so he is finding his heroes. Who are they? The local drug dealers." (70). Because of Obama's race and his admitted issues with drugs, one could argue that he would be more oppressed. If he is able to climb over the chain-link fence, he might give other Black Americans the idea that they could too, thus threatening the status quo. On the flip side, because middle and upper-middle class, white women are closer to the chain link fence, they could be perceived as a bigger threat to the men above the fence. Some of these women are directly below the fence, specifically the wives of the men in power. Therefore, Clinton would face more opposition as she grew up as a white, middle class girl and she is also the wife of one of the men above the fence, making her the bigger threat.
In the interest of full disclosure, I am an Obama supporter and have been since the end of February. I started off as an Edwards supporter.

Before the primaries got underway, my only problem with Clinton was that, for a majority of my life (all but 7 years), there has been either a Bush or a Clinton in office. This just doesn't sit right with me. As the primaries started, I began to actually dislike Clinton. When I would listen to her or her supporters speak, I felt like she had a sense of entitlement; that the Presidency was somehow owed to her. The tactics she resorted to sickened me. I felt like she was willing to risk a Democrat loosing in November if it wasn't her name on the ballot. And I feel like her behavior and actions hurt women more then it helped advance us. But these are my issues with her. Do I think this is why she didn't win? Perhaps it played a role in it.

I don't think she ran her campaign as well as Obama did. Again, going back to the issue of entitlement, she was the presumptive nominee before a single ballot had been cast. She didn't campaign as much as she should have in the months running up to the first primaries because everyone figured it was in the bag. It seemed like her campaign didn't even have plan beyond February 5th (Super Tuesday).

In the end, the thing that bothered me the most was her insistence that, including Michigan and Florida, she had more popular votes than he did. The problem here is that the popular vote count doesn't include the caucus states, which mostly went for Obama. So, every vote should count, but only for states who hold primaries and not those who hold a caucus? And her including Florida and Michigan after she herself said their primaries shouldn't count? Of course this was when she thought it was in the bag, there was no question she was going to be the nominee.

This is not to say I think Obama is perfect, I don't. But he ran a very different campaign because no one assumed anything. And, perhaps because he didn't need to, I don't feel like he resorted to the type of dirty tactics that she did. He was certainly doing his fair share of mud slinging, but Clinton went several steps farther. In the end, Obama ran a better campaign.

Did she loose because of sexism in the media? No. I'm not saying the media wasn't sexist in some of its coverage, certainly there were sexist remarks made. Just as there were racist remarks made. But this same sexist media is the very same media that declared her the presumptive nominee months before the primaries started.

I think I'll end this here for now but I would love to hear what others think, regardless of if you agree with me or think I'm full of shit. I love talking politics!

When Doulaing, College and Motherhood Collide

Any one of these things on their own can be stressful. And when they collide into one another the results can be overwhelming. To make matters worse, I am a procrastinator. I try not to be, really I do. I try to look at my week and spread things out and then, all of the sudden, it's 3:30PM on Friday and I have a blog due at 5PM and my kids are begging for some attention but the 13 year old won't play with them, the phone is ringing, people are hungry, the dogs are barking, and I'm wishing I had one of those "easy" buttons from Staples, but one that actually works. I guess my point is that I realize much of the stress of this week was my own doing by procrastinating and I own that.

This was my final week of summer quarter. I have one final next week then I'm done. The final week of the quarter is often when final papers and projects are due. Typically it is a good idea to not schedule too much else for this week, and, because I know this, I didn't schedule anything else for this week. Apparently I forgot that you can't schedule life, 'cause it just happens whether you want it to or not.

After working all day on Sunday, I came home to a very upset husband. He and one of his daughters, the very same one who watch Cole and Lydia during the week for us, had an argument about babysitting and other chores. In the end, it was decided that she would no longer be watching Cole and Lydia, leaving us trying to find childcare for 8:30 the next morning at 10pm Sunday night. I guess God thought we did such a good job handling the situation because it was only the beginning.

Apparently, allergic reactions from an allergy shot, which requires racing your 13 year old to the ER, don't care that you've got a project and a paper to finish. When you are the 7th & 8th grade volleyball coach for the non-competitive team, you don't get much of a say for when to hold tryouts. To be fair, none of the coaches do, we are all at the mercy of the gym the tryouts are being held at. And then, as I was just starting to get caught up with school work, my last doula client went into labor early Thursday morning. Again, I take full ownership on this one. I didn't have to take a client who was due at the end of the quarter. Maybe I was hoping that because she was a first timer and not due until the 24th I would be pretty safe. I was wrong. So after struggling to find someone to watch the kids (Jim had already taken two days off this week and had a meeting in Dayton he couldn't reschedule) for a couple of hours I headed to be with my laboring clients. I brought my work with me in case I got the chance to get some of it done but that was wishful thinking. The labor and birth was awesome. Mom did an amazing job, as did dad. Their birth was was just fan-freaking-tastic! But shortly after the baby was born into the hands of his mom (with help from the doc), he started having trouble breathing. He ended up going to the nursery for oxygen and further evaluation. The doctor and nursing staff debated on if he needed to be transfered to Children's Hospital. Side note: the hospital mom birthed at has a nursery and the ability to stabilize babies who aren't doing well, but they don't have a NICU. This means if their son hadn't started to show any signs of improvement within a certain time frame he would have to go somewhere that could do more for him. By midnight baby was doing better, not great, but better. After convincing mom and dad to go to bed and get some sleep, I too went home to get some sleep. After tossing and turning most of the night, I got out of bed by about nine this morning to hungry kids. Made them waffles for breakfast as I called my clients to check in on them and returned some other calls. After breakfast I sat down to finish my paper for History. My kids had other plans. They were being wild and crazy and driving me nuts. Now don't get me wrong, I totally get that they were acting this way because they were in desperate need of my attention after not seeing me much for almost two full days. I knew and understood why this was happening. But that doesn't mean my history instructor who has already given me an extra day because of the birth will understand. We finally work something out and I get my paper finished a little after 3 this afternoon. Thinking I'm done, we run out for some Chipotle. When we get home around 4 I check my email and see a reminder about my final blog post for Women's Studies that is due in an hour. I start working right away but still have the kids to deal with. An hour and a half later I publish the post just in time to take one of my stepdaughters to crew practice.

And now here I sit, doing something just for me for the first time this week after snuggling with my little ones until they ran outside to play with friends. I didn't get all of my school work done but I believe I did the best that I could with what I had. I'm short two digital scrapbook postings for Women's Studies and one reading response for History, but it isn't the end of the world. Regardless of my grades in these classes, I learned so much from the classes themselves. Grades are just letters and numbers, knowledge is way more valuable.